Pappy Mother's Day to Me...

No, that's not a typo. My son just handed me a book he made in first grade that said "Pappy Mother Day". I told him it was by far the best Pappy Mother Day card I ever got! I love first grade writing! For those of you who know about the 7 love languages- mine is acts of service. That's how I feel loved. Therefore, Jon gave me the great gift of getting up with Wesley at 3a.m. and is currently changing a dirty diaper! The kids have both given me hand made gifts and flowers (thank you to their thoughtful teachers), and I told them all I wanted was for them to get up and get ready for church without me having to fuss at them!

Anyway, today in church was very emotional for me. I tease Jon because for the past 3 years on Father's Day he has left the service and went to one of the kids' classrooms to be with them because he got so emotional and needed to see them (I love that about him:). Well, today it was my turn. I really appreciated the fact that the video and Melissa's letter both included all women and those desperately trying to be moms. I was boo-hooing. Jackson looked up at me and asked why I was crying. I just hugged him at the time. When we got home, I sat his long-legged body in my lap and explained to him why I was crying. I explained to him that 8 years ago I sat in a Mother's Day service in our last church and they had all the mothers stand up. I cried and cried because I wanted so desperately to be a mommy. I told Jackson that God is so good that 1 month later he was in my belly. Today, I was crying because God is great! God is also way smarter than me because if I had gotten pregnant when I wanted I'd have a 4th grader in a few days, and I am having a hard enough time adjusting to having a upcoming 2nd grader-wow!

I was really moved today thinking that God planned the children He had for me. Like most women, I am always really hard on myself and don't feel that I do a good enough job. My house isn't clean enough;I fuss at them too much, I don't read to them enough, I need to do a better job teaching them about the Bible, etc. etc....

Yet, as I sat there today I felt God tell me that not only did He create these 4 precious souls to be my children, but He created me to be their mom. I felt Him tell me that I was good enough, that I am exactly who He chose for the job of mothering them. I need to, we all need to, remember that to doubt ourselves is to doubt God's wisdom in giving us this job.

So, I think it is important that we have this day, not just so others will appreciate us, but to give us a chance to appreciate ourselves. I was watching a family in front of us that I don't even know. The 12 year old daughter needed the back of her dress tied. The dad did it, then a few minutes later the mom pushed him aside and retied the dress more to her liking. Everyone says that God is in the details. I think that is why he needs moms. Moms specialize in details. Dads may know that the kids need a bath, but only mom knows girls' hair needs conditioner. They may know to feed them dinner but only mom knows one likes ketchup and one likes honey mustard, one baby needs thick cereal and one runny. Yes, I believe the Bible in that men should be the spiritual leader of the household, but we mommies are God's detail people. And what would life be without the details?

I guess I'm being very sappy today and that really isn't like me, but it was a very powerful burden lifted to know that more than anyone, God thinks I'm a good mom and am the one person he wants as Jackson, Ashton, Will and Wesley's mom. This isn't to say that I'm not going to work on being even better, but for now I'm going to let go of the guilt and pat myself on the back. Then I'm going to end the day by letting Jon massage it. Oh, lovely day...