Dear Pediatrician...

I like you; I really do. You have always been compassionate and knowledgeable taking wonderful care of my children. I even think we could be friends and hang out together if we met in different circumstances. However, the hour we spent together as you saw 3 of my children totally stressed me out.

Yes, I know my 4 old is borderline anemic (though thanks to iron fortified Flintstone vitamins, she's better than she was last visit). I know she should be eating green vegetables and red meat, but could you try to explain to her that goldfish are not a food group?

Thank you for looking at her tonsils that I have been concerned about for over a year. I'm glad you agree with me that they are "gargantuan" (sp?) and probably choking her at night which results in her talking in her sleep and waking me up, but couldn't you pull some strings with your Vanderbilt ear, nose, and throat collegue to get us seen before July???

Can you tell me if there is a medical reason why kids like to prove their mothers wrong? As soon as I marked on your little "normal developement" form that Wesley can't roll over I got very nervous that he wasn't normal. You walk in, and I tell you he can't and wait for you to express concern. We look at him lying on the table, and he rolls over for the first time ever! You tell me that happens lots of times making me wonder, why do kids always want to prove their moms wrong?

I know you have to tell everyone the same thing, but did you happen to notice I have TWO babies? I know I shouldn't rock them both to sleep, but how do I let them "cry it out" when there are TWO of them, and one will wake the other up?

Finally, your most stressful bit of advice: I should already be feeding them baby food THREE times a day???? First off, let me clarify: I'm all about the baby food for 2 reasons: 1. formula is costing us about $90 a week! Obviously, I'm all about 50 cent baby food. 2. I realize this is a step which will lead into them being able to feed themselves, and I couldn't be more on board with that.

However, I'm pretty sure you cover multiplication in medical school and I really hate to bring this up again, but did you happen to notice I have TWO babies, and last time I checked 2 times 3 is 6 times a day you want me to feed messy baby food, wash them off, probably change their clothes, stainwash 6 bibs, etc. My entire day will be preparing for or cleaning up after feedings. I knew this day was coming, but I'm stressed out!

How about this solution, you refer me to a collegue who has had twins and you and I can go to the mall together, if you don't mind hanging out with someone covered in sweet potatoes and bananas!