I was standing in my kitchen last week when I had this overwhelming memory. I remembered the day that the ultrasound technician found a problem with Baby A's heart. It was the most vivid memory, and I remembered the fear I felt as I hid in the doctor's office talking to Jon who was hundreds of miles away. I don't know if I've ever felt so alone since no one was at the doctor's with me and Jon was so far away. I remember praying and trying so hard not to panic. I made it through without completely loosing it (my mom and Aunt Joan filling in for Jon), and Jon broke every speed record in the book getting to the hospital. When we got home I heard my children pray for God to fix Baby A's heart and knew that those sweet voices had a direct line to heaven.
So, why did I relive this so vividly out of nowhere 8 months later? I think God was speaking to me (He's actually been talking to me a lot lately, it's pretty cool when you take the time to listen!). He wants me to know that I wasn't alone. I'm never alone. When I am scared and helpless, feeling abandoned and frantic, desperate and vulnerable, close my eyes and remember. Remember there was a time that I faced every mother's worse nightmare of illness of a child, no that WE faced it, He and I and He daily and faithfully answers prayers. Why does God let bad things happen to good people? I can't fully answer that question. I can't tell you why my sweet baby's heart was healed the same day 10 others weren't, but I know we can learn from all situations, good and bad and that all prayers are answered though not always necessarily how we think they should be.
So, I am so sorry I forgot. I live my life day to day without thinking of what could have been. That's ok, I don't believe God wants us to dwell on the negative, but I do think He wants us to remember that He is faithful. He does answer prayers for the good of His people. God is good, all the time...SEE...
"I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him." 1st Samuel 1:27
1 comment:
loved this post. so true. I am glad that I read it today!
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